Good kitty. Nice kitty. Go Big Red Kitty.
You do like football, don’t you, Anya?
I know what you’re thinking: Yawn. Stretch. Excuse me while I spit up a hairball.
I understand, you’re a cat. The only thing football is good for is warming up the TV, so you can bask in the LED glow.
But the world knows your name now, so tell us: Did you get a bead on the team during your cameo before the Spring Game? Good offense, bad defense? Bo Pelini sporting a new attitude?
That’s the word.
Are you basking in your newfound fame after Coach Bo hoisted you overhead, a la “The Lion King?”
Shoutouts on SportsCenter, CBS Sports -- and tweetouts from every football-following Twitter account in the Western Hemisphere.
ESPN even called you the Top Cat in Football. Sorry, Mizzou.
Pretty good for a tabby whose biggest accomplishment before Saturday was shedding on the carpet.
I hope there was something in it for you besides the trauma of appearing before 61,032 screaming people wearing red.
Extra catnip? A case of tuna? Psychotherapy for the rest of your nine lives?
You must think humans are pretty strange. Pretending to be other humans and hijacking their personas on social media.
Oh, you’re familiar with Twitter? YouTube? I hear what you’re thinking, Anya: CATS HAVE OWNED THE INTERNET FOR YEARS, STUPID. GET YOURSELF AN AGENT.
So you probably already knew about some guy in Chicago with a lot of time on his hands who Photoshopped a picture of Bo Pelini wearing a Christmas sweater and holding a cat and used it for his profile picture on Twitter.
A middle-aged man who became wildly popular as @FauxPelini -- talking like a shipyard worker and acting like a 20-year-old with ADD on game days.
More lovable than the Real Bo to his 89,300 followers.
And that’s why your grand entrance with Coach Pelini drove so many people crazy.
Real Bo getting real!
Some people were so excited I think they wet their pants. You looked sort of like you might wet yourself, too, for a minute.
Twitter has not yet infiltrated all of Husker Nation, so not everyone got it, of course. Some folks wondered why the coach brought his cat to practice.
Some wondered if the media had gone mad: Bo Pelini brought a cat to a fake football game and the local press is almost seizuring over it …
Some wondered about you: I feel bad for the cat and hope it scratched the s*&! out of him.
You don’t have claws, do you, Anya? I didn’t think so.
A few spoil sports actually wondered about football: How about winning your conference for the first time in 20 years?
Don't take it personally, Anya.
I’m sure your people -- Athletic Department marketing man Ethan Rowley and Kristen Rowley -- are proud of you, although Ethan says they want to keep you out of the spotlight for now. Keep the focus on the FieldTurf deed.
So Anya, I hope you’re doing well.
I hope you are back home and happy -- splayed on top of the sofa soaking up some sun -- and haven’t let all of this go to your head.
Because frankly, there are only so many ways a football coach can stretch a gag about a cat and a Christmas sweater.
I take Bo for a dog man anyway, so you’re probably not getting a permanent home with the Pelinis. But, hey, maybe you’ll make the Athletic Department holiday card this year.
Keep us posted.
And let us know if you get that ESPY nomination or receive a call from the ASPCA.
Either way, I think you can hold your own.
But can you dish? Anything at all?
Did coach whisper something soothing while he was rubbing your tummy before the Tunnel Walk?
Something like: It’ll be OK, Cat. Miles promised it’ll be OK. Be good, Kitty. Be nice.