Faster than Usain Bolt comes out of the blocks, it seems like Lincoln has become a crazy fun/adventure run town. This isn’t the first year for a few races that blend healthy exercise with something that has little or no correlation with healthy exercise, like beer or donuts or, now more than ever, glowing.

There are two glow runs in the span of 35 days this spring. Here’s how the organizers behind the Glow in the Night 5K on April 10 describe a glow run on the event website.

“You will get completely covered in glowrific color dust with friends, family and silly strangers, while focusing more on the different color fun and participating in the three mile course, at night, under the cool glow of black lights.”

The other race, the Glow Run 5K, is May 25.

In-between glow runs, there’s a run where organizers blast participants with colored powders. And if the May 18 Lincoln 5K Color Vibe’s Facebook page is any indication, people are really excited about being blasted with colored powder.

And then this fall you can sign up to run through an obstacle course likely to feature fire, mud and foam jousting sticks at the Abbott Sports Complex.

That leaves a significant gap in the zany/test-your-limits racing calendar, so let's fill them with some Lincoln runs that combine those elements.

(Please note these are fictitious runs designed entirely for your amusement.)

For June

The 14th and Superior Roundabout 100

What better way to get acquainted with the .11-mile loop than running around it 100 times? Dress as a traffic engineer, a distracted driver, a ballerina or a cattle stampede -- all characters referenced in letters to the editor that the Journal Star has published on the subject.

Dodge “venom” -- lime Gatorade-filled Super Soakers -- spewed from online commenters, who will line the race track that they continuously curse. Bring along a Garmin device to see how many times the voice will say “continue through roundabout” before she insists you seek psychiatric help.

For July

 

The 7.5K‘Leon’s

The race begins appropriately enough at 3 a.m. in the D’Leon’s drive-thru lane at 12th and South streets. Runners must down a Lincoln Burrito (bacon, potatoes, sour cream, cheese) before hoofing it to South 27th Street and heading to the D’Leon’s at 27th and Randolph, where a basket of delicious cinnamon chips awaits.

Finish those, loosen the drawstrings of your gym shorts, pray for event-canceling hail and follow the moans to North 48th and Vine, where you’ll reach the finish line just as soon as you swim through the Super Fries moat. Vegetarian options are available, and hot carrot and jalapeno stations will dot the trail.

For Aug. 31

 

The Nebraska Game Day Obstacle Course

Start in the North Bottoms, the Haymarket, that lot on 11th and M or pretty much anywhere downtown. When the clock reaches 12 minutes before season-opening kickoff against Wyoming, you're off.

Run through a gantlet of drinking game-related ammunition (ping pong balls, washers, bean bags, bro hugs). Narrowly avoid dangers that could set back your pace, like fans who demand you high-five them, an unattended tray of barbecue in a tailgate lot or a county-plated SUV driving the wrong way on Q street. Figure out which corners of P Street no longer exist due to traffic enforcement, and scale the logjam of event-goers who clog the corridor of foot traffic south of the stadium.

Commemorative brown and gold T-shirts (Wyoming's colors) will be provided.

See the routes

View Extreme Runs in a larger map

Reach Cory Matteson at 402-473-7438 or cmatteson@journalstar.com, or follow him on Twitter at @LJSMatteson.