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Cindy Lange-Kubick: Because I’m not black

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Thursday, Jan 08, 2009 - 12:18:35 am CST

“Because We’re Black?”

Those three words made up the headline on my column Sunday.

They came from an e-mail two high school students sent in December. Cornell Leffler and Drew Haverman are black. They wanted to know why some parents wouldn’t let them date their white daughters.

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1.4.09: Cindy Lange-Kubick: 'Because we're black???'

Honestly, they wrote. We want to know.

And readers told them. The paper published 88 reader responses on its online edition. I read almost all of them.

Many were thoughtful and most seemed honest. (“i’m white and i will not let my daughter date any one other than a white guy call me what you want but i have to look out for her.”)

Some empathized with the teenagers. (“I am sorry you have run into so many closed minded racist people … Believe that there are many of us that do not think that way.”)

Others wondered if the issue was less about race and more about demeanor. (“Meeting parents is kinda like a job interview … Sometimes it is not race but body language and appearance that turns parents off.”)

I don’t think the answer to race relations in Lincoln has been revealed.

I do think talking about them is a good first step.

And paying attention to what other people have to say is good, too. Even if you disagree. Especially if you disagree.

And this will probably get me in trouble, but especially if you are white.

Like I am. Like most people in Lincoln are.

Because it’s easier for us to believe racism really doesn’t exist in our town, state, country, world. Especially when we read the mostly reasonable comments on the Web site of our hometown paper.

But the newspaper doesn’t publish all the comments people write.

For instance, it didn’t publish the one that read:  “Abe Lincoln should have left well enough alone.”

Or the one that said:  “Post up a picture of these kids and I’ll let you know in a second if these kids are being discriminated against because they are black …”

Or this one: “My guess is that if you wear Obama gear like you say, your chances of dating someone’s daughter is slim to none.”

To be fair, it also didn’t publish a few that made disparaging remarks about the two black students, describing behavior they found offensive.

But it also seems fair (and relevant) to look beyond the woes of two 17-year-olds. And to continue the discussion in a bigger way.

We can all fess up to prejudiced thoughts, if not behavior, based on something other than race. We look at someone and see age, size, gender, sexual orientation.

 They drive the wrong kind of car, live in the wrong part of town, own the wrong kind of dog.

But prejudice and discrimination based on skin color still divides us, in a big, big way.

Racism isn’t behind every sideways look a person of color gets. (“To my Black friends and community members,” wrote a black commenter on our Web site, “this is not something we can point to in every situation as the reason why misfortune has found our doorstep once again …”)

But for me to say it doesn’t exist — or to minimize its effects — because I don’t see it also seems so very short-sighted.

I received a long letter Monday. The writer was a college basketball coach in the South. A white man who had grown up in small town Nebraska, married into a prominent Lincoln family, gotten divorced.  He came back to visit a few years later with a black woman he was dating.

“As we spent time in Omaha together, at times holding hands … I was absolutely horrified at how people looked at us, judged us … and just looked down their noses at us. It truly was one of the more unsettling events of my life, for I had always held the people of Nebraska in such high regard.  We were scoffed at several times … and I asked her if it bothered her how people were reacting to us, for it truly bothered me. And her response to me was priceless … (and I am paraphrasing) … ‘I’ve grown up a black woman, having spent time in many places in the US … and it’s how it is, nothing new …’”

Like the man who wrote the letter, it’s hard for me to fathom what that must feel like.

Because like the man who wrote the letter, I’m not black.

Reach Cindy Lange-Kubick at 473-7218 or clangekubick@journalstar.com.


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Steve wrote on January 8, 2009 6:45 am:
" I dated a black girl while in middle school years when I was living down South. For the most part, I never had anything said to me about the racial issue, maybe only noticing the occasional look. The only startling experience I had was with the girl's grandmother, who she lived with. My only encounter with her involved me going to the girls house, only to have her grandmother answer the door and tell me she wasn't home. I found out later, she was home, so I was lied to. The question of wether I was discriminated by race came up in my head, and it wasn't a comforting feeling in the least.

What I have to say is this; love is love, and feelings are feelings. If these two young men are actually interested whoever it is they like, and are not looking for a quick hit, then I applaud them for looking beyond color lines. I understand the thought of protecting your children, as all children should be guarded to some extent. But, try not to let your fears cloud your judgement of character.

Well written, Cindy. "
DS wrote on January 8, 2009 7:09 am:
" Ms. Kubick

I will first of all confess that I am not a loyal reader of your column. Frankly, the subject matter at times just isn't particularly interesting to me. Having said that, I think you need to be commended for having the guts to write about this issue. I can only imagine the number of comments left on this site that your paper could not publish in regards to you first column. It's too bad, yet it is reality that these attitudes exist. I, like you, am not white. I consider myself an open-minded person who does not judge someone by the color of their skin. Yet I must confess what this article made me do is think about myself. I am the parent of two teenagers in Lincoln who attend a predominantly white high school. How would I react if one of them began dating someone who is black. Would I be uncomfortable? Yes. But not for me, for them. I truly believe the comments, looks and stares they would get would be hurtful and perhaps hard for a teenager to cope with. Unfortunately, I also know how other members of my family, and ex-wife's family would react, and it would not be positive. Thank-you for writing this article using a scenario that many of us parents can relate to. It certainly made me think and look inward at myself. It also allowed me to have an open, honest discussion with my children, which at the end of the day, was to be a good thing. "
LLB wrote on January 8, 2009 7:57 am:
" The question of perceptions about race is filled with ambiguities. For example, Barak Obama's mother was a white American, and his father was a black African. So, why, for example, is Barack Obama exclusively referred to as the first African American president, instead of the first American to embody both "white" and "black" identity in the image of the presidency? Why can we not rally around the image of racial unity? "
A parent wrote on January 8, 2009 8:02 am:
" As the mother of a mixed race daughter, this really concerns me. Where will she stand in the future? She's not black, she's not white. Will she be excepted by anyone? I was lucky enough to have parents who didn't care about the color of someones skin, but honestly cared about the content of their character. It amazes me that people still judge someone by the color of their skin. Do they think that people with green eyes are all the same? It is the same thing, an outer appearance. I pray that in my daughter's lifetime, something can be solved, but as much as I trust in God, I don't see it happening. Good luck to these boys and those like them out there, who just want to grow up, be somebody, and maybe fall in love. "
JEN wrote on January 8, 2009 8:10 am:
" Great job Cindy, these articles were a wake up for me. I am white and grew up in rural Nebraska, among lots of racist people. I never really saw the point of it all though. After reading your article I talked with my coworker (who is black and one of the most amazing people I've ever met) and asked her "Do people really do those things? Like cross the street?" She is engaged to a white man and says that they get funny looks all the time, a look that says "Why is he with her?" I would say, "He'd better thank his lucky stars that he is with her!" I was really ignorant that these things happend because I just can't imagine doing them myself. It seems so sad to me that people still think like that. "
Galen wrote on January 8, 2009 8:21 am:
" Being white, I can say that I would not allow my daughter (or son) to date another race. It's not from "racism", either. I have had Black, Mexican, and other friends (good friends) in the past. The post by "A Parent" pretty much sums it up. She is afraid for her daughter - being mixed race - and how her life will be. If I were Black, I'd feel the same way. Races were not meant to be mixed. It doesn't mean one is better then the other. "
Shandi wrote on January 8, 2009 8:28 am:
" I think that one of the most important things to remember--parents and young men--is that once you're not seventeen anymore, the girls that are right for you will date you--no matter their race or religion--because they want to date you. (And once they don't live at home, traditional dads, they're not going to ask your approval of their boyfriends.)

Don't forget parents: you're raising adults, not children; they will eventually make whatever choice(s) they want to make--watch what you disapprove of; you may end up accepting it after all. "
Kip wrote on January 8, 2009 8:39 am:
" Yes, racisim in this country is hot topic. But, it comes from ALL nationalities....European Americans are NOT the only group that can be considered racisists! "
cilly wrote on January 8, 2009 8:44 am:
" unfortunately the state of Nebraska does have a very long way to go when it comes to making terms with racists attitudes. it’s easy to say that people of color are whatever you want them to be, but nobody cares to look at what makes them that way. unfortunately decades of conditioning have made most people of color the self destructive people we are and what makes it worse is that nobody cares to make a change or step outside their own world to see that we all don’t have it the same. Growing up it was easy to a negative view towards everything simply because society told me that it was predetermined. "
A Dad wrote on January 8, 2009 8:50 am:
" I have a little girl who, when she gets old enough to date, will get no grief from me if she dates ANY boy, as long as she's dating that boy because she likes him and he treats her with respect. Race is a byproduct of ancestry that none of us can control. It makes nobody better or worse, just who they are. But race should not define the person. The whole of me is not that I'm some White dude, it's that I'm a very diverse person with a myriad of interests, who happens to be Caucasian. My girl will have my blessing on ANY relationship founded on mutual love and respect. Black, White, Asian, Hispanic, whatever. Couldn't care. Now, if they're an Oklahoma fan, that's another story... "
To LLB wrote on January 8, 2009 9:01 am:
" That is so simplistic. As President-elect Obama has said many times, and as should be self-evident, he identifies as a black man because people respond to him as a black man. They can't tell by looking at him that his lineage is bi-racial and, frankly, most Americans don't care. They don't go in for ambiguity - that's too complicated. "
Southeast Student wrote on January 8, 2009 9:10 am:
" Thanks Cindy for recognizing the fact that there may indeed be two sides to your original article. I do agree that racism is a problem today, but like other posts say, black people can't just use that as an excuse for every little thing that goes wrong. Perhaps these young ladies and their mothers are actually judging these boys' character instead of the color of their skin after all. "
RE LLB wrote on January 8, 2009 9:21 am:
" I am biracial and the way that it was explained to me is that whatever race your father was is the one that you mark down or the one you go by. In school there was rarely a box marked with specfic variations of different races and I refuse to mark "other". Honestly the article is embarrassing, only in Lincoln, NE would a newspaper write an article about why families won't let their daughters date black guys. It just shows how backwards and far behind the times this state is, one more reason to show that we should not have passed the ban on affirmative action, clearly we are not past the race issue. You also said that you did not publish some of the commments...pretty sure you just did in this article. My feelings are actually hurt by some of the comments on here, its a nice wake up call to hear how people actually view you. Nebraska, you should really look at how you treat people, regardless of skin color...because its not just black people, my boyfriend is hispanic and white and is treated much the same way. "
Its tough wrote on January 8, 2009 9:28 am:
" As the mother of two mixed-race daughters, I like to think I'm beyond seeing just the color of someone's skin. But like "Steve" said, reading this article really did cause me to look inward and be honest with myself. I don't consider myself to be prejudiced, but I can say that I find myself generalizing about other groups of people. Thanks for the wake-up call.

I've believed from an early age that the color of someone's skin doesn't matter. Growing up in small-town Nebraska near an Indian reservation, I was surrounded by adults who spewed racism. As a child, I knew in my heart that way of thinking was wrong and I fortunately did not succumb. My best friend in elementary school was the adopted daughter of a local minister. I remember being surprised when someone had to point out to me that she was black. I really didn't see it.

As for my daughters, and for those of you who are against your children dating outside their race, I pose to you the same scenario I posed to my (openly) racist mother. Let's say your daughter is white and has the choice between dating a white man and a black man. The white man is abusive, an alcoholic, and doesn't work. The black man is educated, hard-working, and treats women well. Would you rather see your daughter with the white man simply because he's white? "
to LLB wrote on January 8, 2009 9:51 am:
" Simple. At no fault of his own, Mr. Obama can more easily identify, and be accepted as "black" rather than he can being "white". The media likes sensationalism, so of course they will bill it as the "first black President".

He is niether black, nor white. He is mixed raced. Nor is he a traditional descendant of slaves. He has though, lived the black experience in America. I do find it irritating that the media does not recognize his "white" Sotero side as much as they focus on his "black" Kenyan side.

As a critic of Obama, I will say he as handled the pandering to the black community mostly well, and has fostered a more paletable "multicultural" approach to his views of America in recent weeks. "
Eucerin wrote on January 8, 2009 9:57 am:
" Simply read these letters, and they explain why I don't want my daughter to date across racial lines. I prefer to avoid consecrating my daughter as "grist for the mill", that is: The agenda of mixing races and fighting racial bias. "
A Parent II wrote on January 8, 2009 10:03 am:
" Ms. Kubick, I would like to thank you as well for writing this comment. In a day and age that people think we've reached the mountaintop with the election of an African American president it is apperant that we are far from it.

I've grown up in Lincoln for some time and for all its good it is important to recognize our faults. I often say that I would rather live in a community that people clearly let me know that they don't want or need me around rather than "tolarating" me and then out of sight out of mind can't standing me. In our new P.C. community especially in Lincoln we try to be subtle by putting people in there place.

I've been on both ends but I will tell you that we can all agree if your human that seeing a 6 year old cry because someone says they can't play with her becuse she is black or tells her she heard from parents that all black people have big lips. If you can tell me that has anyplace in this community then Lincoln isn't one of those places any of us want to be a part of. To the comment Abe should have left well enough alone; put a picture up and I'll tell you...sad commentary to how far we have yet to go! "
Privileged wrote on January 8, 2009 10:05 am:
" If you're white like me, I highly recommend Tim Wise's book, "White Like Me." It's a good read and was a big eye-opener for me about how privileged white people are in this society. Good column, Cindy! "
Mike wrote on January 8, 2009 10:24 am:
" I usually avoid Cindy's column too, but I was drawn to this one and must say it has great merit...keeping the discussion moving is important. Whether its "whites" attitudes towards "blacks"...or a "black person" assuming i am racist just because i am "white"...It does go both ways, and until we are able to openly discuss it, it will continue. Thanks Cindy for addressing a real issue in your column. "
Im Not Deaf wrote on January 8, 2009 10:52 am:
" I know this is off-topic, but I will keep it short. I'm hearing-impaired and I wear CI/Hearing Aid combination. My CI has enabled me to hear everyone and everything very well. Still, I run into people that once they realize that I'm deaf, either they start talking louder or mumble something about "Oh he's deaf". People like me that are hearing impaired, but hears very well runs into the same type of discrimination that these racially biased people does. Why am I writing this? I'm Not Deaf!! LJK "
Blessedmom wrote on January 8, 2009 10:55 am:
" This article really hit home with me. I am the mother of two young boys, we are black. I have friends from various backgrounds. Some of my best friends REALLY are white, Asian and Latino. With that being said, I don't know if I want my boys to date girls outside of our race because I don't want them judge based on their skin color alone. I want them judged for the men that they will grow up to be. I want them to be happy with whom ever they choose. I just don't want them to have to go through hell to get there! "
Another Parent wrote on January 8, 2009 11:12 am:
" As I watch my kids mature and interact with their peers, I am learning how tolerant they are of different ethnicities and cultures. If my sons or daughter wanted to date outside of our race, after the "parent interview" I would hope to be an example of hospitality and acceptance. I want to believe as my parent's and my generation cease to exist, prejudices will too. "
To Galen wrote on January 8, 2009 11:20 am:
" Well, luckily you don't get to decide who your kids marry. If they love someone of a different race it is, first and foremost, their decision, not yours. But if they truly love the other person and it is reciprocated, why add any limitations to their love? Not a wise choice. "
Time will tell wrote on January 8, 2009 11:42 am:
" I am dayglo white of irish/hodgepodge decent and when I moved to the South and lived in a predominately black neighborhood I felt the affects of reverse discrimination and it was scary and disorienting at best. I can't fathom how the ONE girl that had some color to her in my high school class of 80 in Western Nebraska felt growing up.

One of my best friends is "brown" as he calls it; because he’s not from Africa he’s from America and Black doesn’t seem to match his skin tone either. Each week he gives me a lesson on inner-city culture and I, in return, give him a lesson on growing up sun-burning driving tractors and calving season. :)

I think everyone discriminates to some degree but it's about learning about each other with open minds! If we get to know the "little white girl" (that's me) next door or the "brown" guy that grew up in the ‘hood’ we'll all be better for the experience.

That being said I will gladly discriminate against anyone who wears their pants so low I can tell them what brand of boxer shorts they have on or people that don’t treat myself or kids with respect regardless of color, race, religion, education, economic status, etc. "
Nebraska made a huge step wrote on January 8, 2009 12:12 pm:
" in dealing with racism this year. The voters repealed affirmative action in this state. No more getting things because of skin color.
I think that is a great step forward. "
Ms B wrote on January 8, 2009 12:23 pm:
" First I would like to say this was very well written, Ms Kubick our paths have crossed once before when you wrote a wonderful story about my grandmother Jessie Birch.
I am a black woman and both of my children are bi-racial. I don't think that it is any harder for them being bi-racial or if they were to be just white or black. To my son everyone is a flavor of ice cream, and that is because of what I teach him. I believe that there is still an overwhelming amount of racial intolerance and it has come to a giant head, now that a minority has been elected into the white house.
I have been asked and literally driven to tears when someone asked me, "Aren't you scared of what people will think of you?" because I do have bi-racial children. I ask... What's the difference???
I read many of the comments on the page. Everyone is entitled to an opinion and I really agree with "Steve", you shouldn't let fear cloud your judgement of someone's character. Fear is what leads to ignorance.
It is up to us as parents to show our children and teach our children. Open minds, lead to opening hearts. Unity among the races may never really come and that is the true history of our world. But, anything we can do to educate and communicate a better understanding; who knows we may just have some day a REAL unity.
Love and Bless You All... "
Snap wrote on January 8, 2009 12:31 pm:
" Everybody is prejudiced to one degree or another. It is normal to make snap judgments (pre judge) of others based on what you are taught and based on your own experiences.
What you can do is overcome those prejudices and try to reserve judgment for after you get to know someone. That is often difficult to do. As the person you are trying to get to know will undoubtedly have their own prejudices too.
No easy solutions. We all just need to keep working at it. "
Ignignokt wrote on January 8, 2009 1:00 pm:
" This could be said for people of all races...if you want to be respected as a person, then you need to show respect for yourself. That means respect for your appearance, your attitude, and responsibility for your actions. After all, why SHOULD the rest society respect you if you don't respect yourself? "
Nope wrote on January 8, 2009 1:04 pm:
" This won't change until the "quoto" system changes. Just in the past week I've read that Obamas senate seat needs to go to a black person, and a discussion on why there aren't more black coaches in college football. When the current topic of the day is black vs white, there will always be the division. I am simply tired of reading why we should give extra consideration to people who are black. "
RK wrote on January 8, 2009 1:14 pm:
" Fear...and ignorance. The gentlemen in your article wanted an answer, there it is. Growing up in Lincoln, I graduated in 88' and went into the military. Race was never an issue growing up because everyone was white. My neighborhood, my church, my school, and my friends, all white for the most part. Living in a bubble, racial discrimination was something referenced in history books from the 50's and 60's but didn’t really apply. Only after leaving Lincoln, my bubble burst. I was exposed to a world of racial and cultural diversity, which I was unfamiliar with, and unprepared for. Fear is a powerful, motivating factor that leads us to do things. When fueled with ignorance, it can be harmful and dangerous. Only after leaving Lincoln can I say I became dear friends with a Black, a Puerto Rican, a Hispanic, and an Asian. Only after leaving, can I say that I have been the only white person in an establishment, or ever been in a country where Christianity isn't the prevailing religion. Needless to say, but after leaving, I have been put in situations WAY outside my comfort zone. Some by choice, some by circumstances beyond my control. Sometimes fear ruled the day, sometimes fear was conquered. Sometimes ignorance filled me with preconceived notions, sometimes curiosity and a desire for clarity. But each incident created some knowledge and understanding of different races, cultures, and people in general.

Exposure not easily attained in Lincoln…unfortunately.

Some people fear change, and what they do not understand, persons who speak, act, look, or believe different from them. Some people welcome change, and strive to attain knowledge of things outside their comprehension. Most fall somewhere in the middle.

I wonder, is it mere coincidence that Barak Obama prevailed in most major metropolitan cities where diversity is commonplace, yet struggled in smaller cities and rural areas. I wonder, is it mere coincidence voting seemed to mirror the Mason Dixon Line. I wonder who would have won the election… if all we had to look at were resumes.

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” Martin Luther King Jr.

Good luck gentlemen. "
Erika wrote on January 8, 2009 1:21 pm:
" RE:Time Will Tell...THANK YOU!!! I am a white girl raised in Lincoln with fantasic parents. My parents taught me from day one that we are all the same. I distinctivly remember my dad telling me that every human being bleeds the same color. 25 years later I still think about what they have taught me. We all need to come together and educate all the ignorant people out there. "
To Ignignokt wrote on January 8, 2009 1:23 pm:
" AMEN!!! I could care less what race my kids date (or gender for that matter) but as long as there is mutual respect for one another AND the person has SELF respect I am happy. "
Smarty wrote on January 8, 2009 2:02 pm:
" If a man is well spoken, college educated, has a good job, and treats my daughter with respect and dignity, then I don't care what color he is.

You tell me... is it racist for me to have these standards? "
gay wrote on January 8, 2009 2:07 pm:
" try being gay in Nebraska "
Nina wrote on January 8, 2009 2:11 pm:
" These were my values as mother of a teenaged girl, and they continue to be the values of my children who are now parents. No dating those (color is not a guideline) whose clothing would not pass a school dress code, excluding of course, beach wear. No dating those who sit outside and honk, rather than come to the door to meet the parent(s) and escort the girl to the car. No dating anyone who drives unsafely, uses drugs, or has other dangerous habits. I doubt this will ever be enforced in our family, because we expect our kids to have better sense than to consider dating someone who would do these things. It's not about color; it's about demeanor. "
Ej wrote on January 8, 2009 2:11 pm:
" I had a crush on a girl in highschool-I thought she was pretty -intelligent and had a great smile oh yeah she was black-she wouldn't talk to me because i was white. "
A Mom wrote on January 8, 2009 2:38 pm:
" Thank you, Cindy, for both articles. My 15-year-old son came to me with the exact same situation as Cornell & Drew: having just attended UN-L's Black Leadership Symposium, having a "B" average at school, being active in sports and working part-time, staying completely out of legal trouble or trouble of any kind, he cannot get a date and drew his own conclusion: "It's because I am black. Why should that matter?" he begged me. "Everybody likes me at school. I just can't get a date! Why should my skin matter?" As a mom, I am not surprised. I am simply hurting as only a mom can hurt, when her child hurts. And my greatest fear is one I did not share with him: that communities such as ours will never change. In the big cities it is commonplace, but not in Lincoln, Nebraska, where he will always be looked upon differently, whether he's walking down the street or sitting in church or attending a high school dance, without a date. As a mom, how would you answer: "Why?" "
Bl wrote on January 8, 2009 2:48 pm:
" I am white, my daughter is white, my 3 grandchildren are mixed (black & white) and I love them all very much. They have not been harassed, looked down upon, nor have they been shown anything except respect. It is not the color of the skin that matters, it is what you make of your life, how you treat and respect others, and being the best you can be. All groups of people have both good and bad examples. Think how many races have joined other races throughout history. No one these days are 100% anything. I'm indian, irish, and bohemian. If you are Irish and English does that make you better because of the color (you're still white) of your skin. Come on people, think about what ethnic background you are and what ethnic background your spouse is. I'm sure it was not a inter-ethnic marriage. "
Privileged come on wrote on January 8, 2009 2:54 pm:
" I haven't had much to say on these articles. Most people have already said what i would have said. But i read the comment about how privileged white people are in this society. What? Privileged? What world did you grow up in? I am a white 20-something. Like all of my other friends families, my parents were lower middle class, just barley scraping by. Tell me how i was privileged. When in high school, i couldn't do sports, i had to work a part time job to afford my own car (that i bought myself). So when i started filling out college applications, i didn't have much extra to put on it. My parents were hard working blue collar American, so i didn't qualify for many grants or scholarships. My parents either made too much money (which was a joke) or i didn't participate in enough school activities. So i paid for college the with student loans that i'll be repaying for near the rest of my life. There were no scholarships for white people, like there are for black, native american, and other minorities. I didn't have any kids in college, so i couldn't get any grants that way either. They have special colleges for black people and native Americans. That in my mind is privileged. I would have had a lot easier time paying for college if i had been black.

Now don't get me wrong, i have no problem with people of any race. I'm currently living in a community where i am the minority, and it has been an eye opening experience. I have never dated a back man.. but for ONE reason.. i have never met a black man who treated me in a way that would make me want to date him. If i ever met that man, i would date him in a heart beat!

I just wanted to make my point that there are more programs available to people of non-Caucasian heritage. People just need to be made aware of them and utilize them in the correct way. They are the privileged ones! "
GMP wrote on January 8, 2009 3:37 pm:
" I mirror a alot of the comments. It is not about race, but about respect and demenor. And that goes for male or female. No matter race, color, creed or sexual orientation. Unless of course you aren't a Husker fan. "
Bubba wrote on January 8, 2009 3:51 pm:
" Races were created through inbreeding. It's similar to breeds of dogs. By inbreeding certain traits like size, we ended up with chihuahuas and great danes. They are still the same species and can interbreed. genetically speaking, human "races" are equivalent to canine "breeds".

So why the animosity amongst different races? Shouldn't enlightened people reach logical conclusions? We have laws on the books that prevent inbreeding at the cousin level or closer because of inherent genetic problems associated with inbreeding.

It seems to me like the logical conclusion is that mixed race marriages should be encouraged over same-race inbreeding.

Racism is for inbreds. "
Hey RK wrote on January 8, 2009 4:30 pm:
" What part of town did you grow up? I graduated in 1981, Lincoln High. My friends were Asian, Black, White, Hispanic, Native American, tall, short, fat, thin, gay, straight, disco, rockers, dropouts and nerds.

I have lived on the west coast and the east coast. On the east coast I lived in upstate New York, a little town just south of Canada. The only people of color were military, everyone else was white.

On the west coast there was lots of diversity and lots of the same issues we are talking about, what it comes down to is it doesn't matter where you live, it truly doesn't because people are people. Everyone has an opinion, a life experience and life exposures. Doesn't matter what race or sex they are or you are, everyone has some kind of prejudice towards people and things that are different than their own. EVERYONE. "
Hey Galen wrote on January 8, 2009 4:39 pm:
" Re: Galen. Let me ask you this Galen. If your daughter was in need of a heart transplant and the only available donor was from a black male teen, would you then stand on the principle that "the races were not meant to be mixed?" "
CP wrote on January 8, 2009 4:42 pm:
" I am the proudest father living of a 2 year old adopted black son (I am white). For the record, since politics is so often injected into these comments, I am also a STAUNCH conservative.

I missed the original article, but I hope the two young gentlemen who wrote to you know that there is support for the challenging and dispiriting position they are in from many members of the all-too predominantly white Lincoln community. Like others have expressed, I fear for my son's acceptance in the future, and I hope we continue to make progress in integrating our neighborhoods and our larger society.

We are working hard to have our personal lives more fully 'integrated', always on the lookout for new friends of other races, especially African American. This began for our son's benefit, but has proven a wonderful experience for our entire family. Hopefully, the weight of all of this racial baggage that we carry will be much lighter for my son's generation.

I wish I could offer some better advice for the two young men in their current situation, but the best I can offer is to repeat what one or several others have stated in their posts. The world gets much bigger, with many more possibilities, after high school. The women you meet will no longer be under the thumb of intolerant parents. I wish you both well. "
jan wrote on January 8, 2009 4:42 pm:
" "Races were not meant to be mixed" ?!?!?!

You DO realize that "race" is an entirely fictional, constructed set of categories that has absolutely no basis in reality or biology, right?

No.. actually, you probably don't realize that.

And anyone who actually believes that "races weren't meant to be mixed" IS absolutely a racist, no question. Even if "some of your best friends are black" (or "hispanic" - a word, by the way, put into use by Richard Nixon, and we all know how racially tolerant he was), the notion that races shouldn't be mixed comes from a deeply hierarchical understanding of skin color, with whites at the top (in the Americas and Western Europe).

Racism is racism. We shouldn't cover it up and call it "honesty" and apologize for the racists. We should call them racists. I grew up in Nebraska, I have family who are racists. Oh, but some of my best friends are racists! And I have no problem calling them exactly what they are. "
jan wrote on January 8, 2009 4:45 pm:
" Saying "it's about demeanor" is a convenient way to discriminate based on color and cultural heritage too. It sounds very objective, but let's face it, the actions you say you won't accept in your children's "acquaintances" are more prevalent among certain populations, aren't they?

I also wonder why everyone's talking about their daughters still...
For some reason, no one's sons "need to be protected." Why are women still treated like property? "
Get over it wrote on January 8, 2009 4:54 pm:
" The more you focus on discrimination, diversity, race, whatever...all you are really doing is pointing out people differences...and that's not necessarily a good thing. We are all people-God made us in His image-and skin color means nothing...especially since our nation elected a bi-racial predisent.

So, get over it people. There will always be ignorance...no matter where you live or what color you are, you just have to be a better, stronger person and not let other people's ignorance and prejudice bother you. "
nemo wrote on January 8, 2009 6:50 pm:
" If you think about it melanin or the lack thereof is a ridiculous thing to judge people on. LLB I love your view, it should be possible but notice the negative reactions to your question.... "
Ihrtlincoln wrote on January 8, 2009 8:18 pm:
" Thanks Cindy for opening up this dialouge. The issue of racism is so complicated I don't think we can tag someone by a single statement. The ability to talk without immediate condemnation is the only way to foster a more equitable society. I'm white in an interracial marriage with two biracial children, whom both families love dearly. Both families, at times, make "racist" (and sometimes accurate) statements that they don't believe apply to the their family. It is the nature of our society. The real issue is ensuring that our predjudices don't prevent qualified people from pursuing an education or job. If we can take this dialogue from the internet into our personal interactions Lincoln will be a much better place for all. "
HEY wrote on January 8, 2009 8:51 pm:
" Trust me after being friends with and dating women of all colors ,the only diff is who she is not what she is. Oh by the way I married a Jewish woman.
50 year old Nebraska bred Wyoming living Dem "
tcan wrote on January 8, 2009 9:20 pm:
" After reading these comments, I have so much gratitude for the way in which I was raised. Although my parents were typical small-town middle-class people with inherent prejudices, they also had a great deal of respect for me and trusted me enough to make responsible decisions, particularly regarding dating.

One of my boyfriends in high school was Hispanic. While our relationship did not last long, it impacted me more than many of my long-term relationships. I was exposed to an entirely different culture, where family is at the center of everything, shown how to prepare authentic mexican dishes (which were some of the best I'd ever tasted), given an opportunity to practice the Spanish I'd been studying in school, exposure to different types of music and dance, etc.

As for the parents who say that they would not allow their child to date outside their own race, I feel badly for their children who may never have the opportunity for such rich and diverse life experiences. "
Mark wrote on January 8, 2009 9:45 pm:
" Oh come on. I live in California and they passed a law getting rid of Affirmtive Action. California is not backwards and neither is Nebraska. So, if some one wants to date outside of one of the three races, let them. Also, all peole are racists and this makes them all hate crimes. "
Jenna wrote on January 8, 2009 10:02 pm:
" I had a first grader say it best. Cat and dogs can't have babies, but people of any color can, so God must think its okay. Wake up world, color shouldn't be an issue... "
RE Galen wrote on January 8, 2009 10:05 pm:
" I am an evangelical who disagrees wholeheartedly with you-God made every human being and we should respect and honor the.I would certainly not want my child to marry yours as his views could get "tainted" by your family's value system.
Only the ungodly and Godly were not meant to be mixed. "
OH Husker wrote on January 8, 2009 10:12 pm:
" Unfortunately this topic is back again in Lincoln. As a biracial man who grew up in east Lincoln this is no surprise to me. I can't name the amount of times this happened to me and by no mistake is one of the primary reasons I went out of state for college and will never return to NE to live. The sad thing is was later learning how some of these girls went on to date black Huskers, I guess their fathers only cared that I couldn't run a 4.4 40 yard dash! There aren't many more disturbing things in life for a highschool aged boy than being told never to speak to my daughter again, not because you were a bad student, criminal or dressed like a hood, but only because your father was black. As much as Lincoln likes to portray itself as progressive with the broad talent base attracted by the university and capital, the simple fact is that simple minds still dominate your city and successful minorities know that Lincoln is only a stepping stone for better opportunities elsewhere. Shame on you Lincoln, shame on us all... "
Nina wrote on January 9, 2009 9:30 am:
" Jan, I think you're wrong in your judgment of my comments. I talked about girls because that's what the first article was about - a boy being turned down by girl. My boys had the same rules as the girls, and caring parenting does not mean you treat any of them like property. Also demeanor is an individual thing - not necessarily a cultural thing. Some black kids wear drooping pants with underwear showing, and so do some white kids, Hispanic kids, etc. Some white kids wear T-shirts glorifying booze, demeaning women, etc. and so do kids of other races. Prevalence is objective; respect is a universal ideal, and individual behavior is what counts. "
Western World wrote on January 9, 2009 10:45 am:
" Per President-elect Obama being "neither black or white"... in some Western cultures and societies (specifically, the USA) paternity determines race. Obama's father is a black Kenyan. As a result, Obama is considered black.
Prior to Obama's campaign and victory, I had NEVER heard so many people characterize a biracial person (particularly, a black male) as "both black and white." Characterizations other than "biracial" were/are often used. "
off-topic but interesting... wrote on January 9, 2009 11:40 am:
" Has anyone heard the story about that gorgeous family (one parent black, one parent white) who had twin girls and one looks black and one looks white? Beautiful, beautiful girls, and you can definitely still tell they are twins. I don't understand how someone can hold the sentiment "races are not meant to be mixed." If they weren't meant to be mixed, then we wouldn't be able to mix them. How do you feel about labradoodles? Should we keep labradors and poodles separated so that they can't breed? You know where this is going. "
Transcending race wrote on January 9, 2009 5:45 pm:
" We need to get over the idea of race...it doesn't exist! A quote by Margaret Atwood sums it up best. “I hope that people will finally come to realize that there is only one 'race' - the human race - and that we are all members of it." You seen people with dark skin can mix with people with pale skin, because we're all human! The only difference is in our melanin and DNA, which we can't change. So we need to stop this whole idea of racism and keeping races "pure" and separate by not mixing. "
crea wrote on January 9, 2009 6:16 pm:
" I lived in Georgia for a year and worked in an office where i was the only white person. It took everything to get the ladies I worked with to respect me and accept me. Most of the time they talked about me behind my back and gave me all the crap jobs to handle. If another black person started working, they immediatly became friends. It was frusturating, I was more than happy when I left and moved back to the midwest, so now I think, what if you can't just move away from it? What if it is everywhere you go? I was sick of it after nine months, how would you feel after a lifetime of it? "
whatever wrote on January 9, 2009 8:13 pm:
" It will be very good for our country when all of the baby boomers have crossed the river. The baby boomers see nothing in this "issue" that they will ever believe is resolved. Maybe my family has been way ahead of the times for the last 50 years, but this column is so backward and the posts so ignorant that I truly feel sorry for almost one and all. Get beyond this and live your lives. Discussions like this for a lot of us just are big step backwards. I wish you all well on a journey to enlightenment, you find it much better than the world you are living in now. "
Former Resident wrote on January 10, 2009 5:42 pm:
" I am completely repulsed by this conversation. I am a 37 year old bi-racial woman who grew up in Lincoln. This kind of prejudice and ignorance is exactly why I moved away from Lincoln as soon as I became an adult. No, I have not had a difficult life because I am bi-racial. The only place it was difficult was in Lincoln because of small minded people like many of the folks who posted comments above. How can the entire state root for the Cornhuskers religiously, paying special attention to many of the black players, but then act revolted when one of their daughters brings one of those black players home with them. Can we please move into the 21st century? Now that Obama has been elected president maybe some of you will begin to understand that the rest of our beautiful country looks nothing like Lincoln, Nebraska. I have friends in Lincoln who encourage me to move back home, and that will never be possible until these provincial minded people wake up. I applaud the Nebraskans below who have more progressive attitudes towards racial unity. "
answer wrote on January 15, 2009 9:49 pm:
" The answer to racism is the intermingling of races by couples dating and marrying from other races. Once we are all mixed, it may still exist, but not to the degree it exists today. I'm a white male and I've been appalled by the racism that I've witnessed. "

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