Christians should quit wasting time attacking gay marriage
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By Holly Lafferty
The recent headlines about the legalization of gay marriage in California and the efforts to reverse that decision have left me dismayed. I may be in the minority among my fellow Christians, but I find myself increasingly ashamed by the words and actions of the leaders of the religious right.
Why are so many squandering precious time in an attempt to outlaw gay marriage? We could be putting our efforts for God to much better use!
There are far more pressing issues the world is facing today. It should not be the priority of so many to prevent two men from calling themselves “husband and husband” rather than “partners.” Those who find homosexuality offensive to their sensibilities cannot prohibit gay relationships altogether. Seeing photos of Britney Spears without her underwear on is offensive to my sensibilities, but it seems to have sparked a trend rather than triggered legal action.
Our Constitution grants “liberty and justice for all.” Our country was established on the principle of freedom. Our founders wanted to find a refuge from religious persecution, and that means independence for everyone — even those with whom some Christians disagree.
Believers must acknowledge that God grants humans free will. Most people, Christian or not, would agree that our society takes the concept of “free will” to its extreme — young girls are sexualized at an alarmingly young age; kids steal prescription medication from their parents; Dina Lohan, mother of Lindsay Lohan, gets her own reality show — these and many other travesties are occurring around the nation. Cynics and historians concur that the nature of society is that it will deteriorate.
So, with all of the quandaries our culture is facing today, why is banning gay marriage the focus of so many Christians’ efforts? Some argue that by allowing gays to marry, we undermine the sanctity of marriage. I would counter that 10-hour celebrity marriages and drive-through churches undermine the sanctity of marriage. Divorce undermines the sanctity of marriage; at least when it’s for careless reasons. I’m not referring to those who have been abused or cheated on, but rather to the large number of Americans who find divorce an easy out when they start experiencing typical problems in their relationships.
Unfortunately for them, if members of the religious right spent as much time condemning divorce as they do gay marriage, they’d alienate half of their members.
No, it is not same-sex marriage that should determine the sanctity of one’s own marriage. One’s commitment (or lack thereof) is going to determine the sanctity of his or her marriage. How someone else defines marriage should not be the barometer by which we all measure ourselves.
It is precarious for Christians to judge others. “Judge not, that you may not be judged” (Matthew 7:1). One who finds condemning others a more valid pastime than the pursuit of bettering themselves should heed this warning. I think we’ve seen enough anti-gay Christian leaders outed in the headlines lately to know it’s true.
Moreover, religious legalism distracts from the foundation of Christianity. “Jesus replied, ‘The most important commandment is this: Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” (Mark 12:29-31).
So I beseech you, fellow Christians, to start “loving your neighbor as yourself.” We could make a greater difference by trying to live out this commandment than by trying to compel others in society to adhere to a specific set of rules. What if everyone from the religious right who is disputing gay marriage devoted their efforts to improving society in ways that might actually effect change?
Volunteer at a soup kitchen; lobby for a reformed foster care system; donate money to nonprofits that help terminally ill children. In the many causes such as these, we can actually hope to make a tangible difference. Wouldn’t Christians make a lot more headway in their cause to witness for Christ if they spent more time actually reaching out and less time pointing fingers?
Holly Lafferty works at Nebraska Wedding Day magazine.
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peb wrote on August 16, 2008 8:30 am:
Having the beliefs of some religions made into law is entering a "slippery slope." The religion I grew up in believes that drinking alcohol is a sin. "
JpS wrote on August 16, 2008 8:58 am:
Please, don't lay your personal decision on others. Gay/lesbian marriage
is both perverted and a sin....don't be critical of Christians and other people because they don't agree with you.
That's my story and I am sticking to it "
another point of view wrote on August 16, 2008 9:03 am:
Lafferty says that celebrity marriages, drive-through churches and careless divorce undermine the sanctity of marriage. True indeed! It isn’t in a vacuum that the drive for gay marriage is occurring. This drive for gay marriage is happening at a time when the assault on marriage is at an all-time high, in many ways. If these other assaults on marriage were not occurring, would the idea of “gay marriage” even be approached?
A Heritage Foundation study found that about 14 percent of girls who have had intercourse have attempted suicide; 5 percent of sexually inactive girls have and that about 6 percent of sexually active boys have tried suicide; less than 1 percent of sexually inactive boys have. Meth use is on the rise. The most fundamental foundation of human society is under attack, and we all — women and men, adults and children — are drifting and lost as we search for that stability.
It’s critical that we strive on all fronts to strengthen marriage, and to remember that marriage is the foundation of the family. Separating marriage from raising children is a mistake, and suggesting that marriage is simply about one person loving another person is also a mistake.
Supporting marriage between one man and one woman isn’t about judging people; we are all fallen, every last one of us, married and single alike. It’s simply about recognizing the truth of our nature, supporting strong families and building the foundations of a strong society. "
debbie wrote on August 16, 2008 9:06 am:
enough already wrote on August 16, 2008 9:27 am:
Christians wrote on August 16, 2008 10:00 am:
Ripper wrote on August 16, 2008 11:02 am:
to enough already wrote on August 16, 2008 11:38 am:
ET wrote on August 16, 2008 12:40 pm:
Rob Anderson wrote on August 16, 2008 1:13 pm:
I challenge you to explore the statistics for same sex marriages; the impact on the adopted (or preexisting) children of those marriages is huge. The statistics are not encouraging concerning drug /alcohol abuse, school performance and crime. It takes a mom and a dad to raise children. For those of you single parents, my hat is off to you! I know first hand the struggles of growing up in a single parent home and I honor you (and my mom) for your efforts!
For those ambivalent to same sex marriage... As a parent, if something were to happen to my wife and me, I do not want my children adopted by a same sex couple. Could people in a same sex marriage love and care for my children, absolutely? They would not get the proper moral example or training. Same sex lifestyles are immoral. Immorality is present in conventional marriages, no question. At the same time, an institution like same sex marriage will never be moral. Same sex marriage may one day be legal but never moral. Morality is determined by principles not changing public opinion.
Isaiah 5:20 (New King James Version) Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil "
Rae wrote on August 16, 2008 1:59 pm:
Who did Jesus Christ hang out with?? The least of these, the outcasts of society. I will not endorse gay marriages or a gay lifestyle. But I will embrace all gays - as they too are my "neighbor." The God I serve expects nothing less. "
The point wrote on August 16, 2008 2:43 pm:
to Ripper wrote on August 16, 2008 3:38 pm:
Luke Peterson wrote on August 16, 2008 5:36 pm:
To Rob Anderson: How is my life-style a sin? I pay taxes. I am a valuable member of my family (uncle to three children, youngest of my siblings and an included tax break for my parents). I don't see how my "same-sex lifestyle" is more sinful than yours. I am a college student, a dilligent worker and some of my straight friends consider me to be their best friend. Your issue of me being more of a sinner than you is like calling God, "Allah." We're one of the same, only just with different attractions in people.
To the Heritage Foundation person: You're citing sources from the Heritage Foundation....WHY?! You might as well got those figures from "Focus on the Family."
I say all the time here people. To think of gay people as "those people" is to equate your own family members, friends, neighbors, co-workers and even fellow parishioners in that negative connotation. Is that really the "Christian" thing to do? Of coarse not and that is what Holly Lafferty is saying. And for those who don't understand that, I'm sorry you feel that way. "
excellent article wrote on August 16, 2008 8:07 pm:
Tzi wrote on August 16, 2008 8:10 pm:
I'm curious - should a serious Christian Grocer knowingly sell wine to a drunkard who abuses his kids while intoxicated? Remember - you just told us we're not supposed to judge others.... "
Whoa JpS wrote on August 16, 2008 8:24 pm:
is both perverted and a sin" pretty much laying YOUR personal decision on others? Which side of your mouth will you speak out of next? "
Okay Knowitalls wrote on August 16, 2008 8:36 pm:
So what are my options? Toe the Christian party's line and be celibate all my life? Pursue a homosexual relationship and hide it in the closet for the rest of my life? Or join the effort to legalize same-gender marriage and unite with the legions of miserable married folk who apparently are so bored with their own marriages that their only recreation is discriminating against anyone who is just a little too unlike themselves. Which one of these choices, exactly, are you people proposing for people like me?
And Edgar Pearlstein, you rock. "
Cole wrote on August 16, 2008 10:34 pm:
Biologically, we SHOULD find the thought of physical intimacy with someone of the same gender unpleasant. I do. Yet there are quite a few of the opposite gender I would run away from even faster. Heterosexual Christians use their religion as a tool to fight homosexuality because they think it's gross - nothing more. Having the ancient and "inerrant" word of God mention it a couple of times is like throwing gasoline on the fire and makes it easy to get behind (so to speak). This is how the KKK justifies its activities.
I support gay marriage for three reasons: 1. Gay couples do their part to stem over-population and, by consequence are also good for the environment. 2. Gay men make the best waiters - everybody knows it - and we need other professional, salaried gay men to connect with and support them. 3. Keeping someone from being happy is hurtful and abusive - and mean people suck. "
Zoomie wrote on August 16, 2008 11:58 pm:
Oh, and reason this is getting the Christian Right so upset is that after getting enough signatures to get a repeal of gay marriage on the November ballot as a referendum, they're upset that their wording of "preserving the sanctity of marriage" (which sounds so nice and innocent) has been replaced by the very accurate (and more truthful) wording which says the referendum is to deny to homosexuals the same right to marry as heterosexuals. Polls show when phrased this way, most Californians don't support the refendum! "
Holly Lafferty wrote on August 17, 2008 12:34 am:
I'm curious - should a serious Christian Grocer knowingly sell wine to a drunkard who abuses his kids while intoxicated? Remember - you just told us we're not supposed to judge others.... "
What on earth does my working for a wedding magazine have to do with anything? As an employee and not the owner, I would not profit at all from gay marriage becoming legal. For someone who is calling me out on not judging others, that is a pretty judgmental (and seriously offensive) comment to me. "
Bible wrote on August 17, 2008 12:37 am:
I question this author's understanding of what it means to be Christian - To love the sinner but hate the sin...
1 Corinthians 6:9 - Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither the immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor sexual perverts,
Leviticus 18: 22-29 - You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. And you shall not lie with any beast and defile yourself with it, neither shall any woman give herself to a beast to lie with it: it is perversion. "Do not defile yourselves by any of these things, for by all these the nations I am casting out before you defiled themselves; and the land became defiled, so that I punished its iniquity, and the land vomited out its inhabitants. But you shall keep my statutes and my ordinances and do none of these abominations, either the native or the stranger who sojourns among you (for all of these abominations the men of the land did, who were before you, so that the land became defiled); lest the land vomit you out, when you defile it, as it vomited out the nation that was before you. 29 For whoever shall do any of these abominations, the persons that do them shall be cut off from among their people.
Peace! "
Ken wrote on August 17, 2008 6:09 am:
t wrote on August 17, 2008 7:44 am:
i think people need to realize that allowing gay marrage to be recognized by the govt and accepting it as a religious union is two separate things. i for one am against gay marrage if it's up for a vote i will vote against it but i'm not going to waste my time fighting it i would rather try to fight against good christians thinking that devorce or premarital sex is acceptable. i would rather spread Gods word by doing good deeds and helping people in need.
on a final note we may not like it but we all as americans have the freedom to do whatever we want as long as those freedoms don't take away from someone elses freedoms. so until this is changed( which it better never change as this is what makes America a great nation) Gay people being gay doens't hurt anyone anymore than what straight couples hurt people. "
Bubba wrote on August 17, 2008 8:31 am:
To make it simple, If I am a christian than I try to live my life according to the principles set forth in the Bible. I don't think that I have the power to to change to principles for my convience or desires. "
bo wrote on August 17, 2008 8:49 am:
jo gale wrote on August 17, 2008 9:34 am:
“No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means” "
Bible continued wrote on August 17, 2008 9:48 am:
Leviticus 20:27 Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard. "
to Bible wrote on August 17, 2008 10:36 am:
Lindsay wrote on August 17, 2008 1:58 pm:
Oddly enough, why are fundamentalist christians so obsessed with the sex everyone else is having? I've never come across a group of people that care more about what other people are doing in bed than them. Sometimes I wonder if there is a jealousy complex at work. "
Josh wrote on August 17, 2008 3:10 pm:
Ihrtlincoln wrote on August 17, 2008 3:36 pm:
vio wrote on August 17, 2008 5:23 pm:
beerorkid wrote on August 17, 2008 9:55 pm:
I feel so sorry for those who have been sucked into the religious rights agenda of using alternative lifestyle folks as a wedge issue to get votes. It is really sad to see Christians focusing on 5% of our population with so much negativity and at times intense hate. "
religion seperates people wrote on August 17, 2008 11:52 pm:
Luckily wrote on August 17, 2008 11:59 pm:
She would be fired tomorrow for simply voicing her opinion on
such a "controversial" issue. "
capone or falwell wrote on August 18, 2008 7:21 am:
Just a matter of time wrote on August 18, 2008 7:43 am:
heres another nother point of view wrote on August 18, 2008 7:48 am:
Right on Holly wrote on August 18, 2008 7:52 am:
nic wrote on August 18, 2008 8:24 am:
look at life now, it is the norm and people accept it.. the only ones who dont are the rednecks and the ignorant. you can not judge someone because of who they are thats gods job........and if you do you are going against all of gods teachings...these folks are told god hates them, their familys disown them, they cant tell people the truth about themselves for fear of being treated badly.. but yet you " people of god" tell them its a choice..its not get a clue. you love who you love black white man women mineral or vegtable.. "
Scott wrote on August 18, 2008 8:34 am:
Grimms Tales wrote on August 18, 2008 8:50 am:
One trying to be a good Christian. wrote on August 18, 2008 8:55 am:
I'm sure that is me, so it goes on to say I need to offer a female goat, without blemish as a sin offering. Can someone tell me where to get one? Would someone lead me to a priest and the place of burnt offering and help me remove the blood and fat to burn the animal so I may be forgiven? I know I'm new to this but this is really confusing and I have not been in a Church where they remain true to the Word as it is written. "
Nina wrote on August 18, 2008 9:12 am:
Josh wrote on August 18, 2008 10:05 am:
Considering this came from jesus himself, then all the other stuff you folks are throwing around really doesn't matter. Love God (in your way) and love one another. That is it. Period. End of story. Too bad we can't do what Jesus says we are to do - wouldnt the world be a much better place??? "
Dan wrote on August 18, 2008 10:17 am:
Christians often point to the story of Sodom and Gomorah as proof that Goicd is against homosexuality. For a recap here is how that story goes.
Two angels come to Lot's family in Sodom. The men of the city come to Lot's house and ask to have their way with the travleres that are visiting his home. Lot says, "no, leave these men alone. Here please have your way with my daughters. They are virgins and you can do with them what you will" So this is what supposedly Christians base their morals on. I do not see any Christian families offereing up their virgin daughters in an effort to prevent gay marriage. That is what the Bible "teaches"
The larger point is that the Bible is completely open to interpratation. Everyone reads it diffrently. It was written by various authors over a period of 1500 years. It is full of folklore and tales, the story of people who wrote their history the way they understood it.
The fact is the Bible is irrelevant today. Interesting...absolutely!
On the highly unlikely chance that there is a God the Bible is not worth his name. And a god like the one found in the bible is not one worth worshiping. "
Enki wrote on August 18, 2008 12:05 pm:
I wish nosey people would stay out of my bedroom wrote on August 18, 2008 12:29 pm:
Edgar Pearlstein wrote on August 18, 2008 12:43 pm:
In the story of Noah, it says that God was sorry that he had made man:"And it repented the Lord that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart" (Genesis 6:6), and regarding all animals "...for it repenteth me that I have made them" (Genesis 6:7).
1Samuel 15:11. "It repenteth me that I have set up Saul to be king..."
1Samuel 15:35. "...and the Lord repented that he had made Saul king over
Israel."
Also, in Exodus 32:14, the god changed his mind about punishing the
Israelites: "And the lord repented of the evil which he thought to do unto
his people." "
Ray wrote on August 18, 2008 1:04 pm:
ReadYourOwnWords wrote on August 18, 2008 1:43 pm:
To this point - I want to point out a sentence you wrote "Cynics and historians concur that the nature of society is that it will deteriorate." - so, isn't that what these Christians against legal homosexual unions trying to prevent?? Why let society deteriorate any further just to allow legal marriages that most believe are immoral in God's eyes?? Why should the rights of the majority be trumped by the rights of the minority? Is that fair?? The pendulum can not just swing one way...gays must respect our rights/concerns just as much as we must respect theirs. "
Jen wrote on August 18, 2008 2:07 pm:
But since you are all obviously such devout, wonderful, bible-worshipping people, I am certain that you all stone your children when they misbehave, correct? After all, it is in the bible: Deuteronomy 21:18-21 "If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear."
Stop being choosey. Either go all the way, or sit down and keep quiet. Bunch of hypocrites..... "
Nina wrote on August 18, 2008 2:36 pm:
MarkyMark wrote on August 18, 2008 3:31 pm:
For those of us who believe science and not a book full of tales from bronze age mythology, we guide ourselves as humans, not animals. If you need religion, fine, just don't push this on the rest of us. "
Amen. wrote on August 18, 2008 3:44 pm:
Jack wrote on August 18, 2008 3:45 pm:
I love how these issue always proceed the same way. "Christians are stupid for 'attacking'..." "You Christians shouldn't tell me what to think..." "Christians..." blah blah blah. Let me rephrase the above in the way it is really meant: "It's wrong for you to tell me you think I'm wrong." If you think it's wrong for Christians to tell you what to think, then why are you telling Christians what to think?
"Why don't Christians lean to be tolerant of others views?" Since when did tolerance mean to be fully accepting of everything? If it does, then why aren't you being accepting of the Christian view?
As far as the connection to homosexuality with rape, murder, abuse. The connection is made because they are issues of behavior. You say: "I was born a homosexual and since you were born that way it is okay". Can't a murder say the same thing? "I was born that way, I can't help myself - thus you can't tell me that what I'm doing is wrong."
NO!! - I am not saying that homosexuality is the same a rape and murder, but if the argument is that since it is natural it's okay can, where do you draw the line.
"But homosexuality doesn't hurt anybody (unlike murder, rape, etc.)." If that is the reason it should be okay, then we shouldn't have a problem with necrophilia for the same reason. Absurd? Yes it is. But why use that reason for homosexuality but not everything else?
If homosexuality is natural, then doesn't it seem odd that nature created the reproductive process to take place between a man and a woman, not a man and a man, etc? Also if homosexuality is moral because it is natural, does that mean that adoption is immoral because it is unnatural?
Holly wrote: "How someone else defines marriage should not be the barometer by which we all measure ourselves" As far as the definition of marriage is outdated and should change to include same-sex marriage. Then why stop with same-sex marriage, what's wrong with poligamy, polyamary (group marriage), beastiality, inanimate objects. If marriage is simply just a definition and we make our own definitions then the natural, logical result is that I can define marriage in such a way that allows me to marry anyone or anything - (but don't let that definition affect you).
It's amazing that when it comes to these issues people like Holly and others have no problems disagreeing with the Christian perspective, but when the Christian disagrees then they are "attacking". Can someone explain to me why it is if you disagree with the Christian your just being disagreeable but when the Christian disagrees it is attacking?
The problem with issues like this is because it's an issue steeped in emotions (hence the name calling for those who disagree with it). But there was a request for arguments against same-sex marriage without using the Bible. You may not agree with it, but hopefully you won't waste your time attacking me for it.
There I feel better. "
Hasus wrote on August 18, 2008 4:03 pm:
Tzi wrote on August 18, 2008 6:03 pm:
A hypocrit is someone who says one thing and does the other. I never said people need to stop judging others - you did, even as you launched in to a judgmental tirade about the "Religious Right". "
UCFan wrote on August 18, 2008 6:55 pm:
First, those who realize that homosexuality is an early death sentence for its practitioners have an obligation. They must tell these poor people that they are killing themselves. Those who oppose homosexuality and tell them why are far more caring than those who tell them to continue doing the very thing that robs them of years of life.
Second, the reason for the elevated status of marriage is because it is the basic building block of society. It is procreative, and the children produced by it form the next generation. It is entirely reasonable for the state to grant special status and benefits to the institution that has procreative potential. Obviously, homosexual marriage will never have that potential.
One has to realize that procreative potential is so unique that it is necessary to have a word to describe the institution that contains it. That word is "marriage."
If the word is doublespeaked to include homosexuals because of the mistaken view that marriage is about orgasmic release or about legal inheritance or some other misguided view of marriage, then it will not be too long before society comes up with some new expression to describe that unique heterosexual institutional bonding within which procreative potential is contained. "
to Jack wrote on August 18, 2008 7:20 pm:
You seem to have overlooked the fact that I, too, am a Christian. The whole point of my article was not to attack Christians but to call us all to be more like Jesus--i.e. love your neighbor. Apparently you saw what you wanted to in my article, because I never stated that marriage should be re-defined---just that we as Christians need to focus our efforts on more positive areas of ministry. My article wasn't even about Christians that are against homosexuality--it was about the people that use Christianity as an excuse to hate gays, launching parades and carrying signs that say "God hates gays." I don't care whether you think homosexuality is right or wrong, there are better ways to spend your time.
You chose to read what you wanted to in my article, rather than reading what was actually on the page. "
Dr. Marshall Thompson wrote on August 18, 2008 7:22 pm:
Mammonless wrote on August 18, 2008 7:25 pm:
Why don't you ask the former wife and children of V. Gene Robinson how the promotion of gay relationships, culminating in "marriage," hurt her family? "
Hallway Monitor wrote on August 18, 2008 7:40 pm:
YXO wrote on August 18, 2008 8:00 pm:
Blade wrote on August 18, 2008 8:15 pm:
Another for Jack wrote on August 18, 2008 8:41 pm:
By the way, I'm not attacking you, just debating what you had'nt thought out. This is America. Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.
There, I got this off my chest and now I feel much better. "
Because I love them wrote on August 18, 2008 8:42 pm:
Rxwoman wrote on August 18, 2008 8:45 pm:
Secondly, to Bible, and Bubba, and Rae, since the biblical book of Leviticus also says one should not wear clothes made of two kinds of fibers, ( no blends) or cross breed livestock, when will you be picketing livestock breeder, and since it says we are not to make a profit selling food to the poor, when will you attack the grocery stores? And since one is not allowed to charge interest on loans to poor people ( also in Leviticus) when will you be pushing for a ban on credit cards,or payday lenders??
After all as one of you said, you cannot just pick and choose what parts of the bible to follow, so let's see some energy spent on the rest of these horrible sins. "
MarkyMark wrote on August 18, 2008 8:47 pm:
If God has created all of us, how do you explain, deformed babies, birth defects, etc, etc?
If he did these abominations for some divine reason, I contend to you that God must have a mean, sadistic side. "
Christian Left wrote on August 18, 2008 8:51 pm:
Nina wrote on August 18, 2008 9:07 pm: